I’ve had a hard time letting go throughout my entire life. With people, with things, with memories, with actions or behaviors… it’s just hard for me to let go. I’ve always held on so tightly that it affects my own mental health, and if it’s holding on to a person, it doesn’t affect them. And that affects me too. I would get angry that I was hurting and they didn’t care. I would get angry that I check on people but nobody would check on me; honestly, sometimes I still do.
I’ve learned a lot in therapy over the years, and there’s not a session that goes by that I don’t learn something else new or that I am reminded of. But one thing that has stuck with me since I heard the metaphor from my therapist: some people are rocks. Yep, rocks. You can ask a rock to move and it won’t. You can cry in front of a rock and beg it to love you and accept you and it won’t. You can ask a rock to check in on you from time to time just to feel some validation and it won’t. You can yell at a rock and ask it to do anything for you to help you feel loved, and guess what? It won’t.
People, their behaviors, their attitudes, their lack of love, and situations can all be rocks. Friends, family members, romantic partners, bosses, whoever… they won’t show us that love that we fight for because they’re rocks. They won’t do it because they can’t. And they certainly won’t. So let’s help ourselves out and realize that rocks can’t change. Rocks can’t show love. Rocks can’t reach out to us and check on us from time to time. I can’t say why some people are like this because I’m not some superhuman behavioral scientist that understands all people, but I can tell you that when you’re own mental health starts getting affected, it’s time to let go. You’re… we’re… not going to get the love we desire from someone who is a rock.
It’s so difficult to remember and to realize when we have to let go, but we have to do it. You know that photo that depicts a hand holding tightly onto a rope, but the rope is cutting the skin and making the hand bleed? (I’ll post it below) It’s so accurate, isn’t it? Once we let go of the rope, our hands aren’t bleeding and sore anymore. Same with the rocks in our lives… when we let go, we won’t be hurting anymore. We won’t keep expecting results when the rock can’t and won’t produce those results for us.
Once we let go, we won’t suffer anymore. We’ll learn to provide the love we want so desperately for ourselves or we’ll even find a person that can provide it.
Trust me, I know how hard it is to let go. I’ve made my fair share of mistakes and I’ve even lied to myself and said I let go when in reality I didn’t, and then when I wanted those people to love me (again), I got hurt… again. So yes, letting go is so so difficult, but it’s vital to our mental health.
One of the best decisions you’ll make in your life is letting go of something that will not change. Wish them the best (or don’t say anything, whatever is best for your situation), delete their number from your phone, and move on. Take it a day at a time, but watch how much better you’re going to feel once you do it.
4 thoughts on “Let go of the rocks!”
I don’t know how to explain. I understand and commiserate. But some of us become rocks because that is how we have learned, through our own painful experiences from reaching out, to protect ourselves and our mental health. Every story, two sides.
I totally understand. I meant more in the context of toxic relationships that we have to let go of. Everyone needs to protect their own mental health but some don’t or don’t realize they need to all while ruining others.
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Boy, do I ever agree. I’ve had to let go of people very, very close to me and it pains me often. I think of reaching out again but then remember that sometimes it ends up feeling like stabbing myself a thousand times in the head with swords. It’s a constant struggle, this choosing between being a “good person” or a mentally and emotionally healthy one.
Yessss you worded it perfectly. And it’s so hard not going back. I want to give them second or even third chances. And yes it is definitely a constant struggle!
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