I should have died 5 years ago, but it was like an actual hand pulled the gun away from my head and a voice told me to call my mom. And life got better. It didn’t get perfect, and sometimes it doesn’t feel easier. But I promise you, it’s worth it. You’re worth it.
Stay alive for me. Stay alive for your pets, your parents, your siblings, your job, whatever it is. But most of all, Stay Alive for yourself. Give yourself the chance to experience new things. You are loved and you are worth taking up space in this world.
I never thought I’d ever be able to go to college. People (mostly classmates/bullies) always told me I was stupid because I didn’t talk until the 8th grade. They told me I’d never be able to do certain things because I didn’t talk. They told me I was ugly, stupid, mute, castoff… Teachers didn’t want to help because I was too much work, guidance counselors sent me to the school nurse and even therapists, doctors said “well she just needs to talk.” I had a teacher even send me to the principal’s office because I was too terrified to answer her question in front of the class.
I wasn’t supposed to be happy. That’s what everyone wanted. They enjoyed seeing me fail because it made them look better. It made them feel better when I would cry in front of the class. I caused people frustration, people took offense, they called me “their special project” and didn’t mean it in a good way…
I’ll be 29 in less than a month. Do you think I thought I’d ever make it to 29? I didn’t think I’d make it to 20, and I sure as hell didn’t think I’d make it to 25.
I’m a junior in college. I’ll be a senior in April, and I’ll be done with my Bachelor’s degree program in November 2020. I’m proving so many people wrong and I have no plans to stop.
Yeah I’m in therapy every week, I’ve been to a mental institution a couple times, so what? It helps me. Those things helped make me strong and I live now for myself. For my dog. For those drives in my Jeep. For the day I can say I graduated college and made my parents proud.
And that is why I continue to fight.
Don’t give up hope. The battles you’re fighting today will make you stronger in the future.
I find it highly ironic that I wanted to die yesterday, not fully knowing it was World Suicide Prevention Day. I’ve had plenty of opportunities to die in the past, whether it be from illnesses or suicide. I hated myself. Still do to a degree. I’ll find myself feeling better, and then I’ll backslide because of something said by one particular group of people. (I’m trying not to drown in it now, but it’s hard.)
I am so proud of your accomplishments! Even the smallest bit of progress in one person’s eyes is a huge leap for you. Getting a car, going out in public, enrolling in college…. Knowing your history, those are HUGE milestones! I will forever be proud of how hard you’re working. It provides a sense of hope, a confirmation that it IS possible to fight back the mental illness. Keep on going! I’ll be cheering for you!
Ali Vee 
I find it highly ironic that I wanted to die yesterday, not fully knowing it was World Suicide Prevention Day. I’ve had plenty of opportunities to die in the past, whether it be from illnesses or suicide. I hated myself. Still do to a degree. I’ll find myself feeling better, and then I’ll backslide because of something said by one particular group of people. (I’m trying not to drown in it now, but it’s hard.)
I am so proud of your accomplishments! Even the smallest bit of progress in one person’s eyes is a huge leap for you. Getting a car, going out in public, enrolling in college…. Knowing your history, those are HUGE milestones! I will forever be proud of how hard you’re working. It provides a sense of hope, a confirmation that it IS possible to fight back the mental illness. Keep on going! I’ll be cheering for you!
LikeLike